An open letter to my mother -
I may have over reacted a bit, jumped the gun, let my emotions dictate that email several weeks ago. That email where I let out all of my frustrations of my children and I NOT being invited to go pumpkin picking. Such a small thing, but one my 10 year old has specifically asked about – one she was excitingly waiting to do with her grandma, grandpa and baby cousins. I think my 15 year old was eager to go as well, my 15 year old that doesn’t like to do anything. But maybe I didn’t overreact. Maybe it’s a holdover of growing up the middle child and feeling, always feeling, that somehow I’m getting screwed. The feeling that I was never getting what *I* wanted, but what *you* thought I should have.
I was a child then so perspectives are, of course, skewed.
(We never wanted for anything, food and clothing were not in need- we were NOT treated poorly at all)
Several times before, in our conversations of you telling me what you, my sister’s family, and my brother’s family had done that previous weekend – I remember saying – we would have liked to have been invited to that too. The “family” trip to the local Six Flags that we didn’t get to join in because we were working our last day of camps at the barn. I don’t know if that had been deliberate or not, but waiting one more week would not have hurt anyone, and then your two oldest grandchildren could have gone and had fun as well. There were various other family things thrown in there – obviously not too important to me since I don’t remember exactly what they were – other than the fleeting thought that that would have been fun for us as well. It was the pumpkin picking that was the last straw.
Maybe all of this stems from knowing that you like your WHOLE family to be together for holiday’s and family gatherings – every 3 months of all the cousins. That for years I felt like I HAD to go to all of the family functions in order to make you happy – so I would not hear about it after the fact.
But I now have 2 children, beautiful children, who are growing up and they each are following their passions to the best of my ability to make everything happen for them. Much of their activities happen on the weekend- this is MY family I am taking care of. MINE.
When I sent that email after the pumpkin picking, I was truly hurt, I was frustrated, I was crying because my 10 year old really wanted to do this with her family. How was I going to explain this to her. Grandma didn’t bother to ask? Really. We had gone together for what seemed like every year – so it was somewhat of a tradition to J – Pumpkin picking was with grandparents and cousins.
I received a response. ” I am so sorry I am a horrible mother, I just got tired of hearing how busy you are and how you can’t come to things anymore”. AND then ” I went back to check my diary and I don’t have notes of you guys going all these years……..” So you are tired of me taking my girls where they need to go for their passions and you are keeping score? That’s sure what it seems like from our end. And my pictures show otherwise. Maybe pumpkin picking wasn’t consistent. But more years than not – WE ALL WENT TOGETHER.
But Really – you are tired of me doing things for my children? You didn’t bother to invite us to things because you didn’t like the fact my weekends are often times busy with taking my J to Feis’s/dance or R to shows/pony club? I really don’t know how to respond to this. The ironic thing? So many of the family things you didn’t bother to invite us to because we were so busy – we were home. Bored probably. But we were home. Including the Sunday you all went pumpkin picking.
So because of your pettiness – you have pushed this whole family away, not the results you wanted I am sure. But I really have no desire now to rush down to your house because my brother and sister might be there and it would be nice for all of us to be together. Thanksgiving I have no need to worry about because J and I will be on our way to Grand Rapids. And calling to invite me now to every little thing? You didn’t get the point. Or maybe you did and are trying now to prove your own point. Because now you will write in your diary that you called and asked us to all family gatherings and are making notes of all the times we didn’t go.
Who knows how you portrayed this to the rest of the family. We never talk. We are not a talk it out family. So I don’t know if I am now made out to be some super oversensitive daughter who has her panties in a bunch because we didn’t get invited. OR if it’s more YOU, mom, didn’t like the fact that we are SO busy that YOU decided to not ask OR invite. YOU had taken it upon yourself to decide that we were too busy. But you never asked and YOU don’t like to be wrong.